Disagreeing with Someone Senior to You

Acknowledge the risk and benefits of disagreeing

Most people are willing to hear a different perspective if you share it respectfully.

What is the risk of not saying something?

Risks and Benefits

• Try not to talk yourself out of voicing your opinion
• What do you stand to gain?
• Ask yourself if staying silent carries potential consequences

What you can do instead of expressing disagreement

Take Pause

• Research facts
• Find like-minded colleagues
• Choose the right place for the conversation

Is it worth it?

1. Gather information
2. Look for another outlet
3. Let it go – certain conversations is not worth to have

Do what you think will be most persuasive and help you achieve your goal.

Consider the organizational culture when disagreeing

Egalitarian 
The principle that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities.

Culture Considerations

• The culture of the person you disagree with
• Company culture

Be sure your assessment of your workplace culture is accurate.

Choosing the right time and place to express disagreement

Where to Meet

• A place where both of you are in the best frame of mind.
• Avoid having the conversation in a text-based channel.
• Phone call might be better than a video call, since lack of eye contact might make the conversation less uncomfortable.
• If at the same building, it might be better to take a walk with the person and talk.
  • Encourages creativity
  • Promotes rapport and empathy
  • Can lead to new perspectives

When to Meet

• A time where both of you are in the best frame of mind.

The importance of allies when you disagree

When to Enlist Allies

1. You’re not sure how your disagreement will be received.
2. You don’t have much sway with the person.
3. The people who you suspect support you have data, evidence, or perspectives you don’t have.
4. The senior person has a consensus-driven decision-making style.

When not to Enlist Allies

1. The disagreement is minor or low stakes.
2. You suspect that bringing in others will be counterproductive.
3. Your boss doesn’t trust or value their input.

Enlist Help

1. Identify the supporters.
2. Meet and discuss.
3. Assess their stand on the issue.

What to do right before sharing disagreement

Shape Your Mindset

1. Put yourself in their shoes.
2. Convey how your disagreement can help.
   • Figure out why the person thinks this is a reasonable proposal.
3. Clearly state your viewpoint.
4. Remind yourself of your goal.

Three things to successfully frame your message

Frame Your Message

1. Clearly restate the idea, opinion, or proposal.
2. Ask permission.
3. Connect your disagreement to a shared goal.

Make it clear that your intention is to reach that objective together.

Choose the right words when disagreeing

Choose the Right Words

1. Convey calm.
2. Stay humble.
3. Be respectful but firm.

Avoid phrases like:

• “You’re wrong”
• “Let me tell you how I’m right”

Avoid words like:

• “Shortsighted”
• “Foolish”
• “Hasty”

Tactics if someone gets defensive

Why People Get Defensive

• Feel you are questioning their authority
• Afraid of looking bad
• Don’t trust your intentions

Tactics to Mitigate Defensiveness

• Stay calm
• Return to your intention
• Make clear what you mean
• Engage with questions
• Acknowledge their authority

When to back off during disagreement

When to Back Down

1. Emotions are too high.
2. Person will not be persuaded.
3. Risk of speaking up increases.

High Conflict
When both sides escalate the conflict, which could lead to saying hurtful things or threatening one another.

Reflect on your decision to drop the conversation afterward.

Repairing the relationship

1. Be patient.
2. Find ways to stay in touch.
3. Offer your help.
4. Focus on what you have in common.